I'm not good enough

In its various forms, the phrase "I'm not good enough" is very common. More significantly, that same concept holds significant influence over the thinking of many of us. In a way, it seems somewhat odd that an attitude of self-effacement should be so prevelent. Shouldn't arrogance be a much more natural temptation?

Before we look at the differences between these two responses toward the reality outside of our individual selves, it is important to be aware of the common ground on which they rest: both arise from a moral awareness. At first, this may seem like an overgeneralization. While saying that I am a coward or bragging of my generosity may certainly pass as moral statements, it seems unreasonable to attach ethics to phrases like "I'm good at basketball" or "my writing abilities are deficient." Properly considered, writing and playing basketball are not innately moral in nature. It is not virtuous to to excell, nor wrong to lack ability, in such skills. However, it is easy to forget that when we say we are good or poor at something, we are using language common to language of morality. In fact, it is impossible to say that I am good at basketball without their being some standard of good to which I refer. Similarly, saying I am poor at writing must be said with reference to this standard, which I am failing to attain. Just as statements of morality depend on particular standards of value, so any statement of "I'm not good enough" depends on a standard of "good enough."

In one sense, the tendency that many of us have to be painfully conscious of our inadaquacies is a demonstration of our individual moral consciousness, and not necessarily in the sense of feeling guilty over issues that are not matters of virtue or vice. In other words, we have a right and appropriate awareness of how we ought to be, and of the form we were designed to manifest.

However, while we often do truly stand as subjects of the standard "good enough", the problem is often that we make the standard "good enough" our own subject which depends on us. If we are the ones who set the standard, we are operating in defiance against either God's law, or what in fact God made us to be. As terrible as this sounds, and in fact is, it also seems as though there would be little risk that our own standards are actually higher than God's, and that therefore even our best is still an underperformance. This much is true. However, the error is that a system of self-justification or self-condemnation must, by rejecting God's standards, reject his grace as well. As much as the concept of grace seems opposite from that of law, it actually depends on it. Grace cannot exist without a real standard that has not been met.

Another significant problem exists with this self-declared verdict. Not only is it wrong in principle for the very reason that it is self-declared, but also that it has the tendancy to misapprehend the real things that are intended for us. Maybe God's design for me, even if realized perfectly, would not include the ability to yodel Russian folk songs while juggling greased turtles. Ridiculous examples put asside, we never have the right to concoct our own design or purpose, which comes from what we were made to do, both as humans and as individual children of God. That right is reserved for authentic existentialists and other characters of fiction.

Finally, as much as a feeling resembling guilt is in someways appropriate for our deficiencies in abilities for which we are intended but we lack, we should not ascribe a sense of moral guilt to it, appart from the sense of collective guilt whereby all of us suffer the maladies and ultimately, mortality, of a fallen world. We are works in progress, and if we were in all respects perfect, we would not be here.

Therefore, in light of all of this, our sentiment of "I'm not good enough" is only nonsensical in a materialist, Nietchian world in which the only virtues are those which we create out of the will to power and ultimately the will to survive and cope within an irrational and meaningless universe. As creatures made by God to be something wonderful, the sentiment makes perfect sense. However, if this attitude defines our own self-perception, it stands in denial of the voice of God, who in Christ has met this standard, and through His spirit and His promise in Christ is surely realizing it in us. Let us thank God for His work, trust Him to continue, and faithfully do ours.